i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
