I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
