Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
