So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
