If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
