i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
