FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
