Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
