Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
