Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
