I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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