final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not ubering you a puppy
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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