I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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