my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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