So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
