She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
