The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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