Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
