i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
