I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
