omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.