i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout