I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
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I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination