@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.