Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
