Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn