My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.