another moral hangover. fuck.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm