I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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