fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
