i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
