Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
