I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
