69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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