Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
