I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
