remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
