Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
