I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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