Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
