how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We have started to decorate penises.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
