YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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