Screwed.edu
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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