hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Buhtt sex?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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