dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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