I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
