there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals