I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder