Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.