you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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