I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
