Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!

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(304): View more from West Virginia

you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC

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(410): View more from Maryland

new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.

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25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Read it at the TFLN blog
(253): View more from Washington

When are you comin back?

(1-253): View more from Washington

probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons

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(212): View more from New York

Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Ong my arms are moving wo my consent

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(443): View more from Maryland

I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.

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(425): View more from Washington

I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.

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