Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.