i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
