Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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