At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
