friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
