So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
