K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
3pm strippers are depressing
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize