Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The best revenge is premature balding
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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