butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
