by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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