you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
