Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
