Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
