How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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