why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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