When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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