I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
What a dumb baby whore.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
