help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
