2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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