guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
