I skipped work to stalk him.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
