I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
