This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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