Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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