i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Two words: blizzard sex
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
