I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
