Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
