i think my tv is drunk
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
