He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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