nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize