my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
