not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
