I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
