whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize