Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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