Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
