I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
