I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
