I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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