i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
