dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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