Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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