this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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