I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize