3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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