And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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