I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
