i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
